I have had a few years on this earth 17 to be exact, and there is a lot that I have learned. My life hasn't been a very pleasant ride it's been anything but. Through all the taunting and pain it molded me into the person I am today. There are many things that looking back if I had the chance to I would change without a second thought. For example back when I was in Elementary school from grade 1 through 5 I went to the perfect school ever. Everybody was nice, I knew everybody in the school, and everyone loved me. Then the summer before my 6th grade year my family and I had to move across town and we didn't think anything of it the idea that I might not get to go to school there didn't even cross our minds. We went to register and the principle told us I was no longer able to go to that school. I ended up having to go to a school where I was the only white kid there and that didn't bother me at all the thing that did bother me was that every since day I got teased and laughed at for everything about myself weight, height (well in this case lack of), looks, I was the only 6th grader that had acne already just anything you could think of. So I started acting out just whatever I felt like doing I did. I was in ISS more then I was ever in class. Still to this day I cannot fathom how I graduated from the 6th to the 7th grade but I did somehow. Next was middle school wow what a time. This was a personal hell for me these two years felt like two hundred years. The summer before school started was the start of the hell I have a brother that is two years older than me and I'm not going into any detail but things happened that shouldn't have with him and I and since that day I haven't talked to him at all. In 7th grade I started to question my sanity first then I started to question my sexuality. That year I had my first significant other to begin with but even more personally big was that I had my first girlfriend. That was a confusing time for me and she was at the time sweetest girl I had ever met. She fed me so many lies like how she would help me figure everything out and how she would keep it a secret so that no one would have to know until I was ready for them to know. I in time found out her schemes I ended up telling her that I was falling for her we went out for about 4 or 5 months and she wanted something out of me that I was not willing to give up and she got angry. She told everybody about my liking girls and by the end of the week I was known as the gay chick. I was teased even more tripped in the hall by people I didn't even know laughed at right in front of my face and there wasn't anything I could do about it... that is except for fight back. I would pick fights just because I was bored or I felt like it just so people could see and be afraid of me and not mess with me. Everybody was afraid of me so no one would dare make fun of me and that is how I lived for a year. I was hurting and in pain so I made other people fear me that year I had so many suicide attempts it's not even funny. That middle school was relatively small so news spread fast among the students and teachers were always in on the latest gossip. It was that bad that even the teachers gave me disapproving looks and stares just making me feel like I was a speck of dirt on the bottom of their shoes. Then In 8th grade I had a gym teacher and she was about 20 or 21 and she was the nicest teacher I had ever had. I looked up to her and she knew I did she was my best friend. I found out that she lived close to me because one day I was in a gas station by my house getting a monster before school and I saw her leaving a house locking the door and getting in her car and leaving. Now I know most everybody is not going to believe what I am about to say trust me if it didn't actually happen to me I wouldn't believe it either but it did and it real so think what you'd like I know I'm not lying. One day I was waiting after school for my dad to come pick me up. I had to wait until six o clock because he was at work. So I was sitting outside in front of the school waiting and no one else was there everybody else had gone home already. She walked up to me and asked what I was doing I had told her that I was waiting for my dad to come pick me up because he was at work. She told me that she would take me home and I didn't see anything wrong in that so I called my dad and told him that my friend was bring me home so that he didn't have to leave early he could stay and finish. So I got in her car and when we got to by her house she told me that she needed to get something real quick so I was like ok that's fine thinking that I was going to stay in the car and she was just going to run in and get something and come back out. She told me that I had to come in because I was her responsibility and she didn't want anything to happen to me. I didn't want to but I did anyway I mean she gave me ride home I wasn't going to be rude to her. So we went in and she told me to sit down and I did and I was really uncomfortable but I didn't say anything because to tell the truth I was kind of scared. She sat next to me and started talking about how much I had grown up since the beginning of the year and that she was proud of me and how she normally hates all the kids at the school. She started telling me about these kids that were making fun of her and then she started crying I felt horrible I wanted to go and kill those kids so I leaned over and gave her a hug and she smiled and hugged me back and thanked me. It was kind of weird so I stopped and leaned back over to where I had been. I knew she was looking at me and I felt really weird so I said to her shouldn't we be leaving now and she leaned over to me and told me not to talk and she kissed me. I felt so weird and I felt kind of dirty and I wanted to tell her to stop and go run home and tell on her but I couldn't, the way her lips felt on mine so soft and sweet put me in some type of Trans and I was stunned for a moment. When I realized what she was doing I stopped and told her no and she just said it was ok and for me to relax. She pulled me back down on the couch and kissed me more and her hand moved slowly down my body then she went and opened my jeans and i kept telling her no but it felt unlike anything I had ever felt before and I liked it now you probably know what happened so there is no need to explain any farther. After that day I couldn't deal with myself I felt wrong and dirty and I felt like my parents hated me even though they didn't know I was freaking out. That summer I attempted to slip my throat I couldn't live with myself anymore I thought I was scum. Of course seeing as I am writing this it was a failed attempt; I cut only deep enough to bleep a lot but not enough to kill myself. I was close to dying of blood lose but that's about it. I locked myself in the bathroom with a knife and did it while my mom was sleeping and my dad was still at work. I was passed out so I don't know exactly how they found me but they did and the only thing I can remember is waking up in the hospital with my mom sitting there crying and them telling me that they were going to have to send me to a mental hospital. That place I still get nightmares about that was they worse place I have ever been. I got out a week before the first semester of 8th grade started and I went straight into school. The only way they let me out was that I had to take anti depressants from that point on and those things were horrible. They didn't help, only made me more depressed and then they messed with my mind they made me see things that weren't there. Now I'm in high school and its bad here too. Nobody cares about you here they don't care whether you live or die just as long as you don't bother them with it. My first year in high school I went had to go to court for my absences. They gave me this big fine that I told the judge I couldn't pay because I was too young to get a job and my parents wouldn't pay it but he didn't care. I had to come back and tell him I didn't have the money and he stuck me in jail for 3 weeks of the summer then they let me out and put me on probation for the rest of the summer. I made myself not go to court again because I'm not even going to get into how messed up jail was. So there you go you know everything that I have been through and the things I have learned about myself and about life are that life is brutal but you have to mold it into what you want it to be. Also that I am Bisexual and I am proud to say it. You have to find things about yourself that you love yes there will be things that you don't like but find what you do like. You have to chase what you want and get it. There are a lot of times that I just hate everything and I just want to give up but I can't because I want show every single one of those people that pocked fun at me and laughed at me that I can be and do whatever I want to and they didn't knock me down they just made me who I am.
ok so there is this person that by each day i fall harder and harde for but i dont think that this person feels the same way. i have tryed to nock myself out of it but nothing works i dont know what to do anyone please hep me.
Hello peoples ok im going to tell yall a littel bit about myself. First off my full name is Sarah but i hate going by that because of the fact that there is way too many sarah's in this world so i go by Sare. I am 17 years young and i live in dallas texas. I am bi and i dont care who doesnt like it if you dont like that i am bi then you can stfu. I am a very easy person to get along with just dont piss me off. I like making new friends and the one thing i love most in this world is BOTDF!! for those of you who might not know who or what botdf is they are a music group there full name is blood on the dance floor and i live for them. I love going to there concerts.